


Friends With Benefits

by The_Writers_Call



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 23:04:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20608805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Writers_Call/pseuds/The_Writers_Call
Summary: Takes place after Season 22. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman run into old "friends" after the Amazon fiasco. "Friends" that they haven't seen in years. What'll happen this time? Will they cause another major disaster, or will they finally do something that they won't get into trouble for? It's South Park. We probably know the answer already...





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
(Takes place after Season 22).  
Narrator: at Cartman's house, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman are watching TV.  
TV Announcer: Welcome to the Canadian channel. The only channel in Canada. Up next: the new Terrence and Phillip episode.  
Cartman: Here we go!  
Narrator: Terrance and Phillip are standing near a pond. There are some fish jumping out of the water to eat.  
Phillip: Say, Terrance. Check this out! Something strange is in the water.  
Narrator: Terrance slowly walks over to him, leaning on his cane.  
Terrance: What is it, Phillip?  
Phillip: Take a look.  
Narrator: Terrance struggles to bend. After a few seconds, he manages to look in the water. Phillip comes up next to him and farts. Terrence falls backward. Stan, Cartman, and Kenny all laugh.  
Phillip: Hahaha! You sure fell for that one, Terrence.  
Narrator: Phillip notices that Terrence doesn't move.  
Phillip: Terrence? Oh, crap!  
TV Announcer: What will happen to Terrence? Find out next week on Terrence and Phillip!  
Kyle: I don't know, guys. The show just isn't as good, anymore.  
Cartman: Oh, here we go!  
Kyle: What?  
Cartman: There it is again! You ruining everything for us!  
Kyle: Shut up, fatass!  
Stan: C'mon, guys.  
Kenny: (muffled) Yeah, the next episode is starting!  
Cartman: we can't enjoy it if Kyle is just gonna complain.  
Kyle: Then just tape it!  
Cartman: I shouldn't have to tape it! It's my house!  
Kenny: (muffled) I'm gonna go watch Terrence and Phillip at my house.  
Stan: good call.  
Narrator: Kenny leaves, leaving Cartman, Stan, and Kyle alone.  
Cartman: That's it! Screw you guys. I'm going home.  
Narrator: Cartman gets up and goes out the front door. Stan and Kyle just stare in his direction. After a second, Cartman comes back. He walks up to them.  
Cartman: This is my house.  
Kyle: No shit, dumbass!  
Narrator: Kyle gets up and leaves. Stan follows him.  
Cartman: Finally! I wish my Buddha Box had access to the TV!  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Kyle and Stan are heading to Stan's house, probably to either watch TV or to play a board game or something.  
Kyle: Cartman sure is getting pissed lately. Even more than usual.  
Stan: He's probably still mad that he lost the Bike Parade.  
Kyle: Oh yeah. Who won that, anyway?  
Stan: Butters.  
Kyle: Why am I not surprised?  
Narrator: At that point, Butters comes by in his golden bike that we rode for the Bike Parade, followed by a few of the Raisins Girls.  
Butters: Hey, fellas!  
Stan: Hey, Butters. What's up?  
Butters: The ladies and I are gonna get some ice cream! You wanna come?  
Stan: No, thanks.  
Butters: see ya, fellas.  
Narrator: Butters rides off. The Raisin Girls follow him.  
Kyle: Smart move. Wendy would kill you if you hung out with the Raisins Girls.  
Stan: Speaking of girls, is Cartman annoyed because he saw Heidi trying to talk to you?  
Kyle: Don't know. She didn't actually talk to me. She sent Jimmy to do it.  
Stan: What did she wanna talk to you about, anyway?  
Narrator: Kyle didn't respond right away. Instead, he just looks at the ground. A flashback ensues. Kyle is seen getting stuff from his locker. Heidi, with a guilty and sad look on her face, watches him. She notices Nichole approaching and speaks to her.  
Heidi: Nichole?  
Nichole: Hey, Heidi. What's up.  
Heidi: Can you talk to Kyle for me?  
Narrator: Nichole was quiet for a moment before she spoke.  
Nichole: What about?  
Heidi: Can you apologize to Kyle for me?  
Nichole: Why?  
Heidi: Because I don't wanna do it myself.  
Nichole: I don't know, Heidi.  
Heidi: Why not?  
Nichole: After what you did to Kyle, you really should apologize for yourself. It would be more meaningful.  
Heidi: Probably, but I'm not brave enough to.  
Nichole: if that's what you want, but I'm not gonna apologize for you. You really should do it yourself.  
Narrator: Nichole leaves. Heidi goes back to looking at Kyle. She notices Jimmy approaching.  
Heidi: Jimmy!  
Narrator: Jimmy walks over to her.  
Jimmy: O-oh. H-Hey Heidi.  
Heidi: Can you do me a favor?  
Jimmy: W-what?  
Heidi: Can you tell Kyle that I was a horrible person and that I'm sorry?  
Jimmy: Okay...  
Narrator: Jimmy walks over to Kyle. Kyle was still getting stuff out of his locker and didn't notice him approaching.  
Jimmy: K-Kyle?  
Narrator: Kyle turns to him.  
Kyle: Yeah, Jimmy?  
Jimmy: Heidi said that she was a horr- she was a horr- she was a horr- horr- horr.  
Narrator: Kyle gets the wrong idea and his eyes widened.  
Kyle: Oh my God! What did Cartman make Heidi do for him?!  
Narrator: Kyle leaves, not wanting to hear any more.  
Jimmy: H-Heidi said she was a horrible person and that she's sorry.  
Narrator: The flashback ends and Kyle looks at Stan.  
Kyle: It was nothing.  
Narrator: Stan raised an eyebrow.  
Stan: Really?  
Kyle: Yeah, really.  
AN: Well, that's the first chapter of my story. I hope that you all liked it. Tell me what you think. I'm gonna try to write this like a script and see how it goes.


	2. Chapter 2

Narrator: The next morning at South Park Elementary, the students in Mrs. Nelson's class are talking amongst themselves. Mrs. Nelson walks in the room.  
Mrs. Nelson: All right, everyone. We have a test to take soon but before we do, I'm gonna take attendance first.  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson takes out a clipboard and a pencil and begins to take attendance.  
Mrs. Nelson: Token?  
Token: Here.  
Mrs. Nelson: Kyle?  
Kyle: Here.  
Mrs. Nelson: Timmy?  
Timmy: Timmy!  
Mrs. Nelson: Eric?  
Narrator: There's no response. Mrs. Nelson looks up.  
Mrs. Nelson: Eric Cartman?  
Narrator: Again, there's no response. Some of the students look at Cartman's desk, which was empty.  
Mrs. Nelson: Is Eric Cartman not here today?  
Kyle: No, he's here.  
Mrs. Nelson: Well, where is-  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson's eyes widen. She closes her eyes, then places her hand on her face and sighs.  
Mrs. Nelson: He's not...  
Narrator: She leaves the room and peers down the hallway. Standing there was Cartman, who was using his phone. His Buddha Box was placed on his head.  
Mrs. Nelson: You gotta be kidding me. Is this gonna go on every day?  
Cartman: Woah! I can download more games! The ones I'm playing are total crap! Hey! My phone has only a 10% charge left! I better-  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson goes up to him and removes the Buddha Box from Cartman's head. Cartman shields his eyes from the light.  
Cartman: Woah!  
Mrs. Nelson: Are you kidding me?  
Cartman: Hey! Gimme that back!  
Mrs. Nelson: I've told you before, you can't use this during class time!  
Cartman: I need that!  
Mrs. Nelson: No, you don't! I'm not buying your whole "I have anxiety and it relaxes me" story! Now c'mon. You have a test to take.  
Cartman: Can I at least charge my phone?  
Mrs. Nelson: Not right now. Maybe later.  
Cartman: Ah, goddammit!  
Mrs. Nelson: Watch it!  
Narrator: After Mrs. Nelson finishes taking attendance, the class takes their exam. Cartman tries to cheat off of Token when Mrs. Nelson isn't looking. Rather than fight it, Token sighs and just lets him. Kyle notices and rolls his eyes, then resumes taking his test. Later, the bus drops Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Stan off and they walk home together.  
Cartman: Sweet! If I pass this quiz, Mym said she'll buy me an ice cream!  
Kyle: Yeah, and if Mrs. Nelson finds out you cheated, she'll give you detention!  
Cartman: Yeah, right! Like that dumb bitch is gonna find out!  
A voice: Oh, I won't, will I?  
Narrator: Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny turn around. Standing there was a very pissed Mrs. Nelson, with her daughter, Lisa, and her son beside her.  
Cartman: Oh, fuck.  
Mrs. Nelson: In case you haven't figured it out, this dumb bitch is giving you a zero on your test and a week of detention! During recess tomorrow, meet me in PC Principal's office.  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson leaves with her two kids. Her daughter shoots Cartman a dirty look and her son flips him off.  
Cartman: Aw, goddammit!  
Narrator: Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny laugh. Cartman turns angrily to them.  
Cartman: You told her about this, didn't you, Kyle?  
Kyle: No I didn't. Karma just bit you in the ass!  
Cartman: Fuck you! You're lying, you son of a bitch!  
Narrator: Cartman and Kyle start fighting. PC Principal and Strong Woman arrive in their car and look at them as Stan and Kenny watch on.  
Strong Woman: Should we intervene?  
Narrator: The PC Babies start crying in the backseat.  
PC Principal: Nah. Let's just leave it alone. The PC Babies are crying.  
Strong Woman: Someone's probably just offending others without realizing it again.  
PC Principal: Exactly. I'm PC Principal. It's my job to correct them.  
Strong Woman: Fine. Just promise me you won't beat anyone up this time.  
PC Principal: Hey, he had it coming.  
Narrator: Strong Woman sighs.  
Strong Woman: It was The Russell Crow Show. It was probably part of the act.  
PC Principal: Still. He had it coming. He did invite me to appear on his show again. We're gonna beat up politically incorrect people around the world this weekend.  
Strong Woman: You just can't threaten people to be more PC.  
PC Principal: I don't see why not.  
Narrator: Strong Woman sighs again, then they leave. Meanwhile, Kyle and Cartman are still fighting. Cartman has a few noticeable bruises while Kyle doesn't. Stan tries to intervene.  
Stan: C'mon, guys. Stop it!  
Cartman: Not until I fuck him up!  
Narrator: Cartman tries to punch Kyle again. Before he could, Kyle nails him in the face. Cartman falls face first into the snow. Kyle looks at Cartman's unconscious form for a second, then started to walk away. Stan and Kenny look at Cartman one last fine, then they follow him.  
Kenny (muffled): Should we help him?  
Kyle: He'll be fine.  
Stan: Jesus, dude.  
Kyle: What? He was asking for it!  
Stan: Yeah, but- why am I defending him?  
Kenny (muffled): Because pity's a bitch?  
Stan: Yeah.  
Kenny (muffled): I'm gonna go. See ya guys.  
Stan and Kyle: 'Bye Kenny.  
Narrator: Kenny walks towards a building on the other side of the sidewalk. A construction worker notices and starts to yell at him.  
Construction worker: Be careful! The building's set to-  
Narrator: Before he could finish, the building explodes, blowing Kenny up into millions of pieces.  
Construction worker: Explode.  
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!  
Kyle: You bastards!  
Narrator: Stan and Kyle leave. At that moment, Cartman regains consciousness and he moans in pain.  
Cartman (weakly): What the hell happened?  
AN: well, that Chapter 2. Tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Narrator: The next day, Kyle and Stan are walking to class together.  
Stan: You sure you don't wanna watch the new Terrance and Phillip with us next week?  
Kyle: Yeah, I'm over that show.  
Stan: What's happened to you, dude?  
Narrator: Kyle and Stan arrive at their desks. As they sit down, they notice Kenny, who's sitting at his desk.  
Stan: Oh, hey, Kenny. Where have you been?  
Narrator: Kenny doesn't respond. Instead, he places his elbow on his desk, cups his face in his hand, then sighs. Later, everyone's in the cafeteria, chatting amongst themselves while eating their lunch. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman are sitting at a table with Butters, Jimmy, Token, and Clyde.  
Jimmy: D-did you guys saw the new Terrence and Phillip episode?  
Stan: Yeah, it was great!  
Cartman: It would have been great if Kyle could shut the fuck up for two minutes!  
Narrator: Kyle glares at him, but he doesn't say anything. He just goes back to eating.  
Token: Still over Terrence and Phillip, huh?  
Kyle: Yup.  
A voice: Gah! I-is that for me?  
Narrator: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, Butters, Jimmy, Token, and Clyde turn around. Standing there were Tweek and Craig, who is holding a gift in his hand.  
Craig: Uh... yeah.  
Tweek: W-what's the occasion?  
Craig: It's our anniversary.  
Tweek: Gah! T-that's today?!  
Craig: Yeah. Here.  
Narrator: Craig moves the gift in Tweek's direction.  
Tweek: Gah! T-too much pressure!  
Narrator: Tweek races out of the cafeteria, gripping his hair in the process. Craig stares in his direction for a second, then heads over to join the others. He puts the gift down, then places his elbow on the table and cups his head in his hand.  
Cartman: What's with Tweek?  
Craig: I don't know. Maybe he feels bad that he forgot our anniversary.  
Kenny (muffled): How long have you guys been dating?  
Craig: six months.  
Kyle: That's it?  
Cartman: It feels like you've been dating for four years.  
Craig: It feels like it.  
Kyle: What'd you get him?  
Craig: One of those stress balls.  
Stan (sarcastically): How romantic.  
Craig: What would you know? You only dated one girl, and she dumped you, like three times already.  
Narrator: Stan gives him a really angry look.  
Stan: Fuck off, Craig!  
Narrator: Everyone was quiet for a few minutes, then they just went back to eating.  
Butters: So, Kyle. What are ya gonna watch instead of Terrence and Phillip?  
Kyle: I'll find something.  
Cartman: Maybe you could watch something on The Stupid Asshole Channel. It's all about you, anyway!  
Narrator: Everyone else laughs, with the sole exception of Kyle. Kyle grabs his chocolate milk, then throws it at Cartman. It spills all over him.  
Cartman: Aaahhh! Goddammit!  
Narrator: The rest of the cafeteria laughs at Cartman.  
Kyle: Oh, well. You were gonna shit and piss all over yourself, anyway!  
Narrator: The cafeteria laughs even harder. Cartman gets really pissed off.  
Cartman: Ah, mother fucker! Fuck you Kyle, and screw you guys!  
Narrator: Cartman storms out of the cafeteria. Later, everyone returns to class. Cartman is still drenched from the chocolate milk, but some of it has dried. Mrs. Nelson steps into the room.  
Mrs. Nelson: All right, everyone. It's time for science class. We're gonna start a new unit today. We're gonna start studying the basic structures of cells.  
Butters: Oh, boy!  
Mrs. Nelson: Before we do, I have an announcement to make. This is kind of last minute, but we have a new student joining us today. So let's try to make him feel welcome.  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson leaves the room briefly, then returns.  
Mrs. Nelson: I'd like you all to meet Christophe L'Amer.  
Narrator: The "new" kid comes in. He had a shovel on his back and a cigarette in his mouth. Some of the students (such as Kyle, Stan, and Kenny) instantly recognize him. It was The Mole!  
Mrs. Nelson: Tell us a little about yourself, Christophe.  
The Mole (in a very thick French accent): My name is Christophe, but I prefer The Mole. I live with my bitch mother, who makes me respect and believe in God all day long. If I don't, she grounds me for two fucking weeks!  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson raises an eyebrow at him.  
Mrs. Nelson: Okay...  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson notices the cigarette in his mouth.  
Mrs. Nelson: Christophe, you can't smoke in here. Please extinguish your cigarette.  
The Mole: Fine.  
Mrs. Nelson: Why are you even smoking, anyway? You're not old enough to smoke!  
The Mole: That hasn't stopped me.  
Mrs. Nelson: Does your mother know you smoke?  
The Mole: Yes.  
Mrs. Nelson: Does she care?  
The Mole: Care? Did she care when she poisoned my milk when I was a newborn?  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson's eyes widen.  
Mrs. Nelson: What?!  
Kyle: She didn't really do anything to him.  
Stan: Yeah, he's just kind of fucked up.  
The Mole: Nice to see you bitches again.  
Mrs. Nelson: You guys know him?  
Kyle: It's a long story.  
Mrs. Nelson: Uh, okay. Christophe, please put out your cigarette.  
Narrator: Christophe goes to the open window. He rubs the front of the cigarette against the wall, then "throws" it out the window. He goes back to Mrs. Nelson and stands by her desk.  
Mrs. Nelson: Now please take a seat. You can sit in the empty desk next to Kyle.  
Narrator: Christophe heads for his desk. Before he does, he throws his cigarette in Mrs. Nelson's purse when she's not looking.  
Christophe: nice to see you bitches again.  
Stan: Yeah, I guess. Do you know what happened to that Gregory kid?  
Christophe: I think he went back to Yardale.  
Stan: I'm glad. He was a dick.  
Christophe: Hey! You don't hear me telling shit about your friends. So don't go around telling shit about my acquaintances!  
Stan: Sorry. Seriously, what the fuck's wrong with you?  
Christophe: God.  
Cartman: Here we go!  
Christophe: It's the truth. Religion is out to get me. It's why my life is shit and why my mother's a bitch!  
Cartman: Yeah, Kyle's mom is a bitch, too.  
Narrator: Kyle glares angrily at Cartman. The next thing you know, Cartman is seen getting thrown out of the window. He screams, then lands on the sidewalk. His remains splatter all over the place.  
A voice: Kyle?  
Narrator: Kyle stops daydreaming. He looks up and sees Mrs. Nelson staring at him.  
Kyle: Yeah?  
Mrs. Nelson (gently): Are you all right, Kyle? You zoned out for a second.  
Kyle: Yeah, I'm fine.  
Mrs. Nelson: Try to pay attention, please.  
Kyle: Yes, ma'am.  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson resumes her lesson. Kyle places his elbow on his desks and cups his face in his face.  
Kyle (quietly to himself): Oh, well. I probably can't lift the fatass, anyway.  
AN 1: well, that's Chapter 3. Tell me what you think. Sorry that I haven't updated in nearly a week. I had a lot on my mind. However, school is almost over. So hopefully, I can start updating more frequently!  
AN 2: just so you know, since The Mole doesn't appear to have a last name (that I know of), I just made one up. In French, "L'Amer" means "the bitter." I thought the name would be very fitting for him. I'm gonna try to make him as in character as possible while hopefully not causing any offense to anyone's religion. Wish me luck on that!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 24  
Narrator: Later on, the bus dropped Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman off.  
Kyle: I forgot about The Mole.  
Cartman: You're lucky. I wish that I could forget about that British piece of crap!  
Stan: He's French, dude.  
Cartman: Who the fuck cares? They're both European.  
Narrator: Suddenly, something falls out of the sky and lands on Cartman's head.  
Cartman: Ow! What the fuck was that?!  
Narrator: Stan walks over to the object and lifts it up.  
Stan: It looks like a dodgeball.  
Kenny (muffled): Where the fuck did that come from?  
Narrator: Kyle looks around him.  
Kyle: Who knows?  
Cartman: Whoever did it, I'm gonna kick them square in the nuts!  
Narrator: Cartman walks off. Stan, Kenny, and Kyle follow him. Meanwhile, in Hell, Pip was watching them with a smile on his face. Chef was standing next to him.  
Pip: That'll show him!  
Chef: Was that necessary, Pip?  
Pip: Yes! He deserved it.  
Chef: I guess. Well, good-bye, children. I'm supposed to meet a woman at Demon's Bar.  
Narrator: Chef leaves. He rubs the back of his head and mumbles to himself.  
Chef: Damn! Pip's been dead for a while now and he's still pissed about how he was treated.  
Narrator: Pip watches him leave. Satan appears out of nowhere. Pip turns to him.  
Pip: Thank you, Mr. Satan, for letting me hit that fatass Cartman with a dodgeball.  
Satan: No problem, Pip.  
Pip: Satan, can I ask you a question?  
Satan: Yeah, I guess so.  
Pip: Why are you here? Didn't you go to Heaven after Manbearpig killed you?  
Satan: Yeah, but I didn't wanna stay. I'm Satan. I should be here in Hell. Honestly, I'd rather go to Detroit than Heaven!  
Narrator: Satan walks off, leaving Pip alone. Meanwhile, Chef arrived at Demon's Bar. Standing outside was Ms. Crabtree, who found a job in Hell checking IDs for the bar.  
Ms. Crabtree (yelling): ID, please!  
Chef: Fine! Here!  
Narrator: Chef hands Ms. Crabtree his ID card. Ms. Crabtree looks at it briefly, then hands it back to Chef.  
Ms. Crabtree (yelling): You're good!  
Chef: Why do we need IDs in Hell, anyway? We don't age here and alcohol doesn't affect us anymore!  
Ms. Crabtree (yelling): You going or what?!  
Chef: Can't you just answer my question lady?  
Ms. Crabtree (yelling): I said, 'go on in!'  
Narrator: Chef takes his ID card, then walks into the bar.  
Chef (mumbling): Yeah, yeah. I get it already you fat bitchy pain in the ass.  
Ms. Crabtree (really yelling now): What did you say?!  
Chef: Uh, I-I said, "I really hope the equality bills pass.'  
Ms. Crabtree (much calmer): Oh. Me too.  
Narrator: Chef sighs and continues walking into the bar. Meanwhile, on Earth, the boys were still walking home.  
Kyle: I wonder why The Mole never went to our school before. He's lived in South Park since last year. Maybe longer than that.  
Kenny (muffled): Maybe he's homeschooled.  
Cartman: Why the fuck would he be homeschooled?  
Kenny (muffled): How the hell should I know?  
A voice: Where are you bitches going?  
Narrator: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman turn around. Standing there was The Mole.  
Stan: What are you doing here? I thought your house was on the other side of South Park.  
The Mole: It is.  
Kyle: It'll take you forever to get home if you go this way.  
The Mole: That's the point, bitches. The longer it takes me to go home, the less of my mother's shit I have to deal with.  
Kenny (muffled): Okay...  
The Mole: Could I tag along with you?  
Narrator: Stan and Kyle briefly glance at each other.  
Stan: Ah, what the hell?  
The Mole: Great! So where are you bitches going?  
Cartman: Home. Where else?  
The Mole: That's it? No adventure? No task you gotta do?  
Kyle: No.  
The Mole: You bitches are boring as fuck!  
Cartman: What the hell should we do, then?  
The Mole: Do you know where Mr. Mackey lives?  
Kenny (muffled): Yeah.  
The Mole: Meet me at my house around six.  
Stan: Why?  
The Mole: You'll see.  
The Narrator: Later, at six, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman met outside of The Mole's house. Noticing them, The Mole snuck out of his bedroom window (which was located on the first floor). The Mole walks up to them.  
The Mole: Glad you bitches showed up.  
Cartman: Yeah, yeah. What the fuck do you wanna do?  
The Mole: Lead me to Mackey's house and I'll show you. But first, I have a friend that I want you guys to meet.  
Stan: Who?  
A voice: Me.  
Narrator: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman turn around. Standing there was a kid with slick black hair, a blue prison uniform, and a smile on his face. It was Josh Myers!  
Stan: Who are you?  
Josh: Josh Myers. You don't know me, but I know you!  
Cartman: What the fuck are you talking about?  
Josh: After you TP'd that art teacher's house, Officer Barbrady sought my help to find the culprits.  
Kyle: How could you help?  
Josh: Because I'm a professional. I've been in prison for TPing hundreds of different houses.  
Cartman: Nice.  
Kyle: Oh, no! We're not gonna TP any more houses! Not after the last time.  
Narrator: Josh smiles even more. He starts to gently toss a toilet paper roll in the air like a coin.  
Josh: Why leave me with all the fun? But, if you insist.  
Kenny (whispering to Cartman): Wow. And we thought The Mole was fucked up.  
Josh: Relax. I'm gonna TP Mackey's house. You're gonna do something else.  
Kyle: What?  
Josh: That's for The Mole to decide. Or you.  
The Mole: You guys coming or what?  
Stan: Sure.  
Kenny (muffled): I guess.  
Cartman: Hell, yeah!  
Narrator: Cartman, Kenny, and Stan look at Kyle. Kyle sighs.  
Kyle: Goddammit...  
The Mole: Where does Mackey live again?  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Craig and Tweek just arrived at Buca de Faggoncini. They walk up to the head waitress.  
Head waitress: May I help you?  
Craig: We have a reservation.  
Head waitress: Last name?  
Craig: Tucker.  
Narrator: the head waitress looks at the list of reservations.  
Head waitress: First name?  
Craig: Craig.  
Narrator: The head waitress looks at the list again.  
Head waitress. Craig Tucker... Craig Tucker... oh yes. We have a reservation for a Craig Tucker. Follow me, please.  
Narrator: Craig and Tucker start to follow her to a booth.  
Tweek: Gah! This place is fancy!  
Craig: Yeah, it is. We've been here before.  
Tweek: W-when?  
Craig: When we were looking for Scrambles.  
Tweek: O-oh yeah!  
Craig: C'mon. Let's have a good time.  
Tweek: O-okay!  
Narrator: The headwaitress led them to a table in the back of the restaurant. Tweek and Craig sat down on either side of it. The head waitress takes out a little notepad and a pen.  
Head waitress: Can I get you both something to drink?  
Craig: Can I have a Coke?  
Narrator: The head waitress nods.  
Tweek: C-can I have a coffee?  
Narrator: The head waitress raises an eyebrow.  
Head waitress: Aren't you a little young to drink coffee?  
Tweek: N-no!  
Head waitress: Y-yeah. I can get you a coffee.  
Narrator: The head waitress leaves.  
Head waitress (quietly to herself): That's a first. Usually, they ask for alcohol at his age. That's the first time a kid asked me for coffee.  
Tweek: T-thanks for bringing me here Craig!  
Craig: No problem, dude.  
Narrator: Tweek and Craig lean over the table and share their first kiss with each other (on screen). Meanwhile, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, The Mole, and Josh just arrived at Mr. Mackey's house.  
Stan: What's Mr. Mackey doing?  
Narrator: The Mole takes out a Viewmaster (the same one he used to "spy" on the USO show) and looks through it.  
The Mole: He's screwing some big-headed bitch in his bedroom.  
Kyle: Ew!  
Stan: I don't wanna watch that.  
Kenny (muffled): Can I?  
Josh: I'm gonna go TP his backyard. Hopefully, he'll be too busy fucking that chick to notice.  
Narrator: Josh heads for the backyard, carrying at least two bags of toilet paper with him.  
Stan: So what are we gonna do?  
The Mole: We're gonna throw eggs all over his house.  
Kyle: What?!  
The Mole: Yeah. Try to aim for his chimney. Hopefully, we'll be able to fuck up the inside of his fireplace that way.  
Cartman: That's it?  
The Mole: Yeah. What did you have in mind? Piss all over his front porch?  
Cartman: Actually-  
The Mole: That's fucking disgusting! What the fuck's wrong with you?!  
Stan (quietly to Kyle): We've been asking the same about him.  
The Mole: Are you guys in, or what?  
Stan: Yeah, we're in.  
The Mole: Okay. If anything goes wrong, make a sound like a pissed off snake.  
Kyle: What does a pissed off snake sound like?  
Narrator: The Mole demonstrates. The sound he makes sounds like a Xenomorph from Aliens.  
Kyle: Okay...  
Stan: You watch too many movies, dude.  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Josh was TPing Mr. Mackey's backyard. A tree and a couple of bushes were completely covered with toilet paper.  
Josh: Oh, how I missed this!  
A voice: Hey! What are you doing?  
Narrator: Josh turns around. Standing there was Officer Barbrady.  
Josh: Oh, uh... I'm filming a movie.  
Officer Barbrady: Why are you flinging toilet paper everywhere?  
Josh: It's part of the movie.  
Officer Barbrady: Where's the camera?  
Josh: It's hidden.  
Narrator: Officer Barbrady stares at him for a moment.  
Officer Barbrady: Okay. Carry on!  
Narrator: Officer Barbrady starts to walk away.  
Officer Barbrady: Such a nice kid. I don't know why, but he looks kind of familiar.  
AN 1: well, that's chapter 4. Tell me what you think and please leave a review!  
AN 2: a couple of things about this chapter. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that Josh Myers and The Mole would get along. Also, the woman that Mr. Mackey was with was Ms. Conduct from the episode "Super Hard PCness." Personally, I think she's the best match for Mr. Mackey (so far) in the series.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Narrator: The following Monday, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman returned to school. The Mole joined them soon after.  
Kyle: I hope Mackey doesn't find out that we egged his house.  
The Mole: He won't. As long as no one squeals.  
Cartman: Kyle...  
Narrator: Kyle looks back and glares at Cartman.  
Stan: Where's Josh Myers? Doesn't he go to school here?  
The Mole: He doesn't. He never stays in one place. He's always on the lam.  
Stan: That makes sense, I guess.  
The Mole: Yup. Smart bitch.  
Narrator: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and The Mole pass by PC Principal's office. Inside, Mr. Mackey was talking to PC Principal and Strong Woman. He was beyond pissed off.  
PC Principal: Let me get this straight: Someone threw eggs and toilet paper all over your house?  
Mr. Mackey: Yeah. Someone thought it would be really funny to make my house look like a plate of sunny-side-up eggs that fell into a toilet, m'kay.  
Narrator: The PC Babies (who were sitting nearby on the floor) started to giggle. Mr. Mackey turned to them.  
Mr. Mackey: Oh, you guys think it's funny, huh? There's nothing funny about going up to an innocent guy's house, taking out a carton of eggs and rolls of toilet paper, throwing them at the house (probably at multiple angles, m'kay), and ending up making it look like a giant hen house that the hens didn't like and just laid an egg on and pissed on instead.  
Narrator: The PC Babies continue to giggle. Mr. Mackey ignored them and turned to PC Principal and Strong Woman.  
Strong Woman: When did you realize that someone vandalized your house?  
Mr. Mackey: Last night. The prankster threw eggs in my chimney. There was a fire in the fireplace so I could smell eggs burning.  
Strong Woman: Do you have any idea who did it?  
Mr. Mackey: I think so. I'm gonna get the son of a bitch before this gets out of hand, m'kay!  
Narrator: The PC Babies start to cry.  
Mr. Mackey (much calmer): What? What did I say, m'kay?  
Strong Woman: It could have been a girl who did it. Since you said "son of a bitch," it indicated that you think a boy did this, which can be offensive to the female community.  
Mr. Mackey: Oh, I'm sorry, m'kay. PC Babies, I am sorry, m'kay. I didn't mean it like that. Please stop crying, m'kay.  
Narrator: The PC Babies continue to cry.  
Mr. Mackey: Would you feel better if I bought you all a new blanket?  
Narrator: The PC babies still cry. In fact, they seem to be crying even harder.  
Mr. Mackey: There, there, m'kay. Who's our society's savior, m'kay? Who's our hope for tolerance?  
Narrator: The PC Babies cease crying and start to giggle softly. Mr. Mackey takes a breath.  
Mr. Mackey: I'm gonna go. I'm gonna put an end to this right now, m'kay.  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey leaves. Strong Woman and PC Principal look at each other.  
Strong Woman: He doesn't suspect that you're the father, right?  
PC Principal: I don't think so.  
Narrator: Strong Woman goes back to work. PC Principal looks at the PC Babies.  
PC Principal (thinking to himself): Maybe we should tell everyone that I'm the father. Will Strong Woman and I really get looked down upon because of it?  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey was storming down the hall.  
Mr. Mackey (muttering to himself): The bastard, m'kay! Who the hell does he-uh, or she, think he or she is, m'kay? Who would fuck up someone's home for no reason? Does everybody just like to piss me off?  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey doesn't notice, but he passes someone in the hallway holding a book over his face. The person lowers the book after Mr. Mackey leaves. It was Josh Myers.  
Josh (thinking to himself): This could be fun to watch...  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and The Mole were in class. Mrs. Nelson was giving a math lecture.  
Mrs. Nelson: To multiply fractions, you multiply the numerators together. Then you multiply the denominators together. Or if you want, you could multiply the denominators together first, then the numerators. It doesn't really matter. I recommend that you simplify the fractions first before-  
Narrator: Before she could finish, the loudspeaker goes off. Mr. Mackey's voice is heard.  
Mr. Mackey: Attention, students. Will the following students please report to the guidance counselor's office.  
Narrator: Cartman sigh, then places his arm on his desk. He cups his head in his hands.  
Cartman (quietly): Eric Cartman.  
Mr. Mackey: Stan Marsh. That's it, m'kay.  
Narrator: Stan looks horrified.  
Stan: What?!  
Narrator: Cartman laughs at him.  
Kyle (whispering to Stan): Oh, shit, dude!  
Narrator: Kenny closes his eyes. Then places his hand on his face.  
Kenny (muffled) We're fucked.  
The Mole (whispering to Stan): Don't say a fucking word!  
Stan (whispering back): No shit!  
Narrator: Stan gets up and walks to Mr. Macket's office. He knocks on the door twice.  
Mr. Mackey: Come in.  
Narrator: Stan turns the doorknob and enters Mr. Mackey's office. Mr. Mackey glares at him.  
Mr. Mackey: Take a seat, Stan, m'kay.  
Narrator: Stan sits down in the little chair in front of Mr. Mackey's desk.  
Mr. Mackey: Did you do it?  
Stan (trying to remain calm and innocent): Do what?  
Mr. Mackey: Were you the one who made my house look like a sunny-side-up egg toilet surprise?  
Narrator: Stan starts to lightly chuckle.  
Mr. Mackey (ignoring him) Did you?  
Stan: No.  
Mr. Mackey: Really?  
Stan: Yes. What made you think I did it?  
Mr. Mackey: The urinal, Stan. The urinal.  
Stan: Can't we let that go?  
Mr. Mackey: Follow me, Stan, m'kay.  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey leaves his office. Stan follows him. Mr. Mackey leads him to the boy's bathroom.  
Mr. Mackey: Take a look, Stan.  
Narrator: Stan turns in Mr. Mackey's direction. He sees the toilet that he infamously defecated in.  
Mr. Mackey: That's the toilet that you unleashed a giant chocolate worm into, m'kay. What everyone was forced to look at.  
Narrator: Stan chuckles at his choice of wording. Mr. Mackey gets the wrong idea.  
Mr. Mackey: Oh, you still find it funny, m'kay? For the thousandth time, Stan. There is absolutely nothing funny about using a urinal for something other than its intended purpose. What you've done was immature, lazy, and inexcusable, m'kay. Thanks to you, the janitor, Mr. Venezuela, had to fish a pudding covered banana out of the urinal. It was not something that he wanted to do, m'kay.  
Narrator: Stan laughs even harder. Mr. Mackey gets even more pissed off.  
Mr. Mackey (sarcastically): Oh, yeah, that day was so funny, m'kay. It's nice to know that you show no remorse for your actions, m'kay.  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey leads Stan back to his office. They both sit back down.  
Mr. Mackey: I ask you again, Stan, m'kay. Did you, or did you not throw eggs and toilet paper all over my house?  
Stan: I didn't.  
Mr. Mackey: Really, you didn't?  
Stan: I really didn't.  
Mr. Mackey (clearly not convinced): M'kay. You can go back to class, then, Stan, m'kay, but I'm gonna call down your friends and see what they have to say!  
AN: well, that's chapter 5. Tell me what you think! Don't hesitate to leave a review!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny were still in class. Mrs. Nelson was still giving a math lesson.  
Mrs. Nelson: Now, to divide fractions, you take the first fraction and leave it alone. Then, you switch the division symbol with a multiplication symbol. Afterward, you flip the second fraction. Then-  
Narrator: The loudspeaker suddenly goes off. Mr. Mackey's voice comes out of it.  
Mr. Mackey: Attention, students, will the following students please report to my office, m'kay: Kyle Broflovski. Thank you.  
Narrator: Cartman points at Kyle and laughs. Kyle glares at him.  
Kyle (quietly so Mrs. Nelson doesn't hear him): Fuck off, Cartman!  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson places her hand on her face.  
Mrs. Nelson (sarcastically to herself): Is everyone gonna go to the counselor's office today?  
Narrator: Kyle gets up from his seat and heads for Mr. Mackey's office.  
Kenny (muffled and quietly to Cartman): Are we next?  
Cartman: How should I fuckin' know?  
The Mole: If we get called next, make sure you bitches don't say a fucking thing!  
Cartman: Fuck off, already! No fuckin' shit!  
Narrator: In the hallway, Kyle is seen walking to Mr. Mackey's office. He passes Stan on his way there.  
Kyle: Does he suspect anything?  
Stan: I kept denying everything. I don't think he bought it.  
Kyle: How mad is he?  
Stan: He's pretty pissed, dude.  
Kyle (sarcastically): Great.  
Stan: Good luck, dude.  
Narrator: Stan heads back to class. Kyle resumes walking to Mr. Mackey's office. After a few seconds, he arrives there and knocks on the door.  
Mr. Mackey: Come in.  
Narrator: Kyle enters Mr. Mackey's office. Mr. Mackey glares at him, similar to the way he glared at Stan.  
Mr. Mackey: Sit down, Kyle.  
Narrator: Kyle sits down in the same chair Stan sat in.  
Mr. Mackey: Did you and your friends do it, Kyle?  
Kyle (trying to remain innocent): What?  
Mr. Mackey: Did you and your friends throw eggs and toilet paper at my house, m'kay?  
Kyle: No. When did that happen?  
Mr. Mackey: Last Friday, m'kay. What were you doing last Friday?  
Kyle: Stan and I were having a sleepover.  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey remained quiet for a second before speaking.  
Mr. Mackey: Really?  
Kyle: Yeah, really.  
Mr. Mackey: M'kay. What were Eric and Kenny doing?  
Kyle: I don't know. I barely saw them this weekend.  
Mr. Mackey: Really? We'll see if they say the same thing, m'kay.  
Narrator: Meanwhile, PC Principal was knocking on Strong Woman's door.  
Strong Woman (kind of quietly): Come in.  
Narrator: PC Principal opens the door and enters.  
PC Principal: Strong Woman, I think we should-  
Strong Woman (kind of quietly and desperately): Shhh! The PC Babies are asleep! Don't wake them!  
Narrator: The camera shifts over to the PC Babies. They were all sleeping together in their crib.  
PC Principal (quietly): I think we should talk.  
Strong Woman: What about?  
PC Principal: I think it's time.  
Strong Woman: Time? Time for what?  
PC Principal: To let everyone know that I'm the father of the PC Babies.  
Strong Woman (startled): What?! Have you lost your mind?!  
PC Principal: It won't be as bad as you think!  
Strong Woman: I know that because it'll be worse than we both think!  
PC Principal: No, it won't.  
Strong Woman: Trust me, it will! It's out of the question!  
PC Principal: Can't you reconsider?  
Strong Woman: No! It's never gonna happen! Why do you even want people to know?  
PC Principal: If people find out, they will look down on us. I know that, but if we don't tell them, they'll hate us even more.  
Narrator: Strong Woman opens her mouth to argue, but she closes her mouth and looks at the ground in thought.  
Strong Woman: That-that actually is a good point. I'm trying to be an inspiration for girls everywhere. If they find out that I was lying about the identity of the PC Babies' father, they may never trust me again!  
PC Principal: So we'll do it?  
Strong Woman: Maybe. I'll think about it.  
PC Principal: I'm glad. No one else is here, right?  
Narrator: Strong Woman looks around the room, then opens the door. She looks down the hall, then closes the door.  
Strong Woman: I think so.  
Narrator: PC Principal walks over to her.  
PC Principal: So, we're alone, then, huh?  
Strong Woman: Yeah, I guess we are.  
Narrator: Strong Woman and PC Principal start to passionately kiss. The song "A Moment Like This" by Kelly Clarkson started to play. After a while, they stopped kissing, and PC Principal returned to his office. After he sat down at his desk, he opened up one of its drawers. He took a small box out of it.  
PC Principal: I hope that Strong Woman, the PC Babies and I can be a proper family someday.  
Narrator: He opens the box, revealing a small diamond ring in it. Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey was talking to Kenny and Cartman.  
Mr. Mackey: So, neither of you egged nor TPed my house?  
Cartman: Nope.  
Kenny (muffled): Neither of us was near your house.  
Mr. Mackey: What were you doing last Friday?  
Cartman: I was watching Terrance and Phillip and eating Cheesy Poofs.  
Kenny (muffled): I was reading a Playboy.  
Narrator: Cartman and Mr. Mackey both look at him. Neither of them says anything.  
Mr. Mackey: M'kay... what were Stan and Kyle doing?  
Cartman: How should I know? Stan was probably listening to Wendy's bullshit and Kyle was probably listening to his mom's.  
Mr. Mackey: M'kay. You sure you don't wanna change your story?  
Cartman: Yeah, I'm sure.  
Kenny (muffled): We haven't done anything.  
Mr. Mackey (clearly not believing them): M'kay. You boys can go back to class.  
Narrator: Kenny and Cartman leave. Mr. Mackey, clearly annoyed, headed to the bathroom. When he was done, he reaches for the toilet paper. Unfortunately, there is none.  
Mr. Mackey: Oh, great, m'kay. Why can't they ever replace the fuckin' toilet paper rolls in here? Now what?  
Narrator: Suddenly, a roll of toilet paper rolls over to Mr. Mackey. He picks it up.  
Mr. Mackey: Where did that come from?  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey looks under the stall. No one appears to be there. He shrugged his shoulders, then started to wipe himself. Outside of the bathroom door, Josh Myers smiled to himself. Then he leaves, with a roll of toilet paper in his hand.  
AN 1: I hope you all enjoyed Chapter 6. Tell me what you think and please leave a review!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
Narrator: Later on, the final bell rang. The students all rushed out to get home. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman were one of the first to leave.  
Stan (to Cartman and Kenny): What did Mr. Mackey ask you?  
Cartman: What we were doing last Friday.  
Kenny (muffled): And what you guys were doing.  
Kyle: Does he know we did it?  
Kenny (muffled): No idea.  
Stan: How long until Mr. Mackey gets his house clean?  
A voice: Who knows? That bitch is too busy workin' to get his fuckin' house clean.  
Narrator: Cartman, Kenny, Stan, and Kyle turn around. Standing there was The Mole, with a cigarette in his mouth.  
Stan: How long were you there for?  
The Mole: Five minutes.  
Cartman: Were you following us?  
The Mole: No shit. How are we gonna cover our tracks?  
Kenny (muffled): What do you mean?  
The Mole: Mr. Mackey's gonna figure out we did it sooner or later. We gotta slow that bitch down!  
Cartman: And how are we gonna do that?  
The Mole: How should I fuckin' know? I don't know Mr. Mackey that well.  
Kenny (muffled): Should we distract him?  
Stan: How?  
Kenny (muffled): I don't fuckin' know.  
The Mole: You bitches don't know how to cover your tracks! No wonder you bitches keep getting caught!  
Kyle: What are you talking about?  
The Mole: The toilet paper incident, the USO Show. Do I have to fuckin' go on?  
Stan (clearly annoyed): Yeah. Yeah. We get your point! How do we cover up our tracks?  
Stan: We could meet after dinner.  
The Mole: What time do you bitches eat?  
Kyle: My family's eating at five.  
Stan: My family eats at around six.  
The Mole (to Kenny): What about you?  
Narrator: Kenny doesn't respond. Instead, he looks at the ground.  
Cartman: Kenny's family is poor. He'll be lucky to eat the rats in his house.  
Kenny (muffled and angry): What?! Fuck you!  
Kyle: Cartman eats dinner from the time he gets home to the time he goes to bed.  
Cartman (clearly confused); My dinner doesn't last that long.  
Kyle: Yeah, but you eat all day, anyway. So it might as well. It's why you're gonna look like you've been eating Weight Gain 4000 again!  
Narrator: Stan and Kyle laugh. Cartman glares at Kyle.  
Cartman: Shut up, Kyle!  
Narrator: Cartman tries to punch him, but Kyle nails him in the face before he could do anything. Cartman falls face first into the pavement.  
Cartman (moaning): Fuck you, Kyle!  
Narrator: The Mole stares at Cartman for a second, then just sighs.  
The Mole: Okay. Just follow me bitches to Mr. Mackey's house.  
Kenny (muffled): What are we gonna do?  
The Mole: You'll see.  
Narrator: The Mole starts to walk to Mr. Mackey's house. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan follow him, leaving Cartman in agony.  
Cartman (with his face still on the concrete): Goddammit!  
Narrator: Meanwhile, PC Principal just arrived at Strong Woman's office. He knocks on her door.  
Strong Woman: Come in.  
Narrator: PC Principal enters her office. Inside, the PC Babies were sitting in their highchairs. Strong Woman was feeding them what appears to be baby food. Strong Woman turns her head.  
Strong Woman: Do you need something?  
PC Principal: I... I just wanted to know if you made a decision yet.  
Narrator: Strong Woman sighs, then she puts down the baby food.  
Strong Woman: Yeah, I did.  
Narrator: Strong Woman turns toward PC Principal.  
PC Principal: And?  
Strong Woman: You're right. We should finally tell the truth.  
PC Principal: Really?  
Strong Woman: Yeah. It's time.  
PC Principal: I'm glad. We couldn't keep it a secret forever.  
Strong Woman: I guess not. I was hoping to, though.  
PC Principal: Are we alone?  
Narrator: Strong Woman puts her hands on her hips and glares at him.  
Strong Woman: We are not making out in front of the PC Babies!  
PC Principal: I wasn't suggesting that.  
Strong Woman: We're not having sex, either. Five kids are enough for a while!  
PC Principal: I wasn't suggesting that, either.  
Narrator: Strong Woman lowers her arms and raises an eyebrow.  
Strong Woman: What do you wanna do, then?  
PC Principal: You'll see. Are we alone?  
Narrator: Strong Woman walks to the door and glances down the hall. After a second, she closes the door and looks around the room.  
Strong Woman: I think so.  
PC Principal: Good. Close your eyes.  
Strong Woman (raising an eyebrow): Why?  
PC Principal: Just do it, okay?  
Narrator: Strong Woman sighs, then closes her eyes. PC Principal walks over to her, then gets down on one knee. He takes the ring box from earlier out of his pocket and smiles.  
PC Principal: You can open your eyes now.  
Narrator: Strong Woman opens her eyes. She looks down and notices PC Principal. Her mouth slightly opens and her eyes widen.  
PC Principal: Will you marry me?  
Narrator: Strong Woman doesn't respond. She just stares at PC Principal in the same position. PC Principal frowns.  
PC Principal: Strong Wom-  
Strong Woman: Yes.  
PC Principal (startled): What?  
Strong Woman: I said yes.  
PC Principal: Oh, Strong Woman!  
Narrator: PC Principal places the ring on Strong Woman's left ring finger. The PC Babies start to bounce in their high chairs and giggle softly. Outside the window (as the camera starts to zoom out), PC Principal and Strong Woman's silhouettes kiss behind the curtains. As they kiss, the camera zooms out, and the song "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban plays. Meanwhile, The Mole, Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny just arrived at Mr. Mackey's house.  
Cartman (to the Mole): So what's the plan?  
The Mole: Since Mr. Mackey's not here yet, we're gonna check that bitch's yard for anything that can be used against us.  
Cartman (sarcastically): Like what? A fuckin' note that says, "we egged your fuckin' house signed Cartman, Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and The Mole?"  
The Mole: No, dipshit! C'mon, bitches. Look for anything that we may have left behind.  
Narrator: Cartman, Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and The Mole start to look around. Kyle (disgusted) looks through a pile of egg yolk while Stan looks into a couple of bushes. Cartman sits on the front door and "looks" around it. Kenny looks in the garden underneath Mackey's window. He picks up what looks like a picture of Ms. Conduct in a very revealing (and very unflattering) dress. Kenny (in disgust) throws it away. He must have changed his mind because he took it back and put it in one of his pockets.  
Stan (to Kyle): Find anything?  
Kyle: No, dude. Nothing.  
Stan: That's good. Maybe there's nothing here.  
Kyle: Yeah, or we're just not looking hard enough.  
Narrator: Stan and Kyle go back to searching. Meanwhile, The Mole was in Mr. Mackey's backyard. He hid a small camera in a tree knot. He goes to the front yard and digs a hole in the corner of Mr. Mackey's property. He puts a camera in it and partially covers the hole. He rearranges the dirt so that only the lens of the camera shows. After he was done, a car suddenly appeared on the road. It was Mr. Mackey! The Mole gasps.  
The Mole: Shit!  
Kyle (turning to him): What?  
The Mole: It's Mr. Mackey!  
Stan: Oh, shit!  
Cartman: Oh, fuck!  
Narrator: Kenny looks around him briefly. He picks up a stick, lies down in the grass and places the stick in between his arm and his body.  
Cartman (to Kenny): Playin' dead ain't gonna help us, Kenny.  
Narrator: Suddenly, Mr. Mackey's mailbox breaks and falls. It falls right on Kenny's head. Kenny makes a high-pitched sound, then dies from the impact. His blood starts to pour out of him and spills out onto the snowy ground.  
The Mole: What the fuck?!  
Stan: Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!  
Kyle: You bastards!  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey comes out of his car and walks over to them. He glares at them suspiciously.  
Mr. Mackey: Boys, what are you doin' at my house?  
Kyle: Um, Kenny just died.  
Mr. Mackey: What?  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey turns his head and notices Kenny's dead body.  
Mr. Mackey: Holy shit, m'kay!  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey turns to Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, and The Mole.  
Mr. Mackey (in a panic): Boys, you stay here. I'm gonna call 9-1-1, m'kay!  
Narrator: Mr. Mackey rushes into his house. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and The Mole stare in his direction.  
Stan (to Kyle): That was close.  
The Mole: The poor bitch!  
Stan: Don't worry. It was gonna happen anyway.  
Meanwhile, Kenny just arrived in Hell. Satan greets him.  
Satan (casually): Hey, little one. Welcome back to Hell.  
Narrator: Kenny turns to him, startled.  
Kenny (muffled): Satan? What are you doing here? I thought you went to Heaven after the battle with Manbearpig!  
Satan: Yeah. Well, I'm Satan. I'm not supposed to go to Heaven, nor do I want to.  
Kenny (muffled): Yeah, that makes sense.  
Satan: So, how long until you go back to Earth?  
Kenny (muffled): I don't know. Probably in a couple of-  
Narrator: Before Kenny could finish, he vanishes into thin air. A circular, white puff of smoke is all that remains.  
Satan (waving good-bye): 'Bye.  
Narrator: Satan starts to walk away.  
Satan (to himself): Such a nice kid. I look forward to seeing him again. Probably sometime tomorrow.  
AN 1: I hope you all enjoyed Chapter 7. Tell me what you think and please leave a review!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
Narrator: The next morning, PC Principal knocked on Strong Woman's door.  
Strong Woman: Come in.  
PC Principal: Can we talk?  
Narrator: Strong Woman raises an eyebrow.  
Strong Woman: What about?  
PC Principal: I think we should discuss how we're gonna break the news to everyone.  
Strong Woman: What do you have in mind?  
PC Principal: I thought an assembly would be appropriate.  
Strong Woman: Probably. When should we do it?  
PC Principal: Friday just before 3.  
Strong Woman: Yeah, that could work.  
Narrator: Strong Woman looks at the floor, then she places her right hand on her left arm. She looks back at PC Principal.  
Strong Woman: So, we're really doin' this, huh?  
Narrator: PC Principal starts to nervously rub his head.  
PC Principal: Yeah, I guess we are.  
Strong Woman: I hope people still respect us.  
Narrator: PC Principal walks over to her. He moves to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but then he stops. Strong Woman notices and nods her head. PC Principal places his hand on her shoulder. They both stop and turn to the PC Babies. They look at them but they don't cry. Strong Woman and PC Principal turn back toward each other.  
PC Principal: It'll be fine. We'll go through this together. Let's just be as PC and strong as possible.  
Narrator: Strong Woman nods her head in agreement. She and PC Principal quickly kiss, then he leaves. Strong Woman takes a breath, then walks over to the PC Babies. They all turn to her. She sighs again, then starts to gently rub the cheek of the one nearest to her. Meanwhile, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and The Mole were in class. Mrs. Nelson was giving a lesson on spelling.  
Mrs. Nelson: Now, as some of you may have already noticed, some words have a letter in it that you don't hear. An example is the word "island," which has a silent "s" in between the "i" and the "l." Can anyone think of any other examples?  
Narrator: Clyde smiles and raises his hand.  
Mrs. Nelson: Yes, Clyde? Do you know any?  
Clyde: Seven?  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson stares at him.  
Mrs. Nelson: What letter in "seven" is silent, Clyde?  
Clyde: H.  
Mrs. Nelson: Spell "seven," Clyde.  
Clyde: S-E-H-V-E-N.  
Mrs. Nelson: There's no "h" in "seven," Clyde.  
Clyde: There isn't?  
Mrs. Nelson: No, Clyde.  
Clyde: Oh.  
Mrs. Nelson: Does anyone else know?  
Narrator: No one raises their hand. They just stare at her.  
Mrs. Nelson (whispering to herself so the class doesn't hear): Perhaps someone who is smart.  
Narrator: Clyde must have heard her because he frowned.  
Mrs. Nelson: C'mon, just try.  
Narrator: Kyle raises his hand.  
Mrs. Nelson: Yes, Kyle?  
Kyle: Pterodactyl?  
Mrs. Nelson: Very good, Kyle! What letter in "pterodactyl" is silent?  
Kyle: P.  
Mrs. Nelson: Excellent! Anyone else?  
Narrator: Cartman raises his hand.  
Mrs. Nelson: Yes, Eric?  
Cartman: Whore?  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson's mouth dropped open.  
Mrs. Nelson: Um... yes, but if you could use more appropriate words, I would appreciate it. Anyone else?  
Narrator: Wendy raises her hand.  
Mrs. Nelson: Yes, Wendy?  
Wendy: Snow?  
Mrs. Nelson: Very good Wendy! What letter in "snow" is silent?  
Wendy: W.  
Mrs. Nelson: Very good! Before we move on, does anyone else know any other words that have a silent letter in-  
Narrator: Before Mrs. Nelson could finish, the loudspeaker went off. Mr. Mackey's voice came out of it.  
Mr. Mackey: Attention students, will the following students please report to my office, m'kay? Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Stan Marsh, and Christophe L'Amer? Thank you.  
Narrator: Kenny and Cartman look at each other. Stan and Kyle both looked like they were about to start panicking. The Mole looks annoyed  
The Mole: What?! You got to be kidding me!  
Narrator: Mrs. Nelson places one of her hands on her face and sighs.  
Mrs. Nelson (muttering): Why do we even come here? What's the point of learning if I can't teach anything?  
Narrator: Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, and The Mole walk down the hall to Mr. Mackey's office.  
Kenny (muffled): This is it! We're fucked now!  
Kyle: Maybe not. Maybe he doesn't have any proof that we did it.  
Cartman: He wouldn't if we didn't blab our fuckin' mouth, Kyle!  
Kyle (turning on Cartman): I didn't tell him a goddam thing! Maybe you did! Maybe you confessed so you would get in less trouble! It wouldn't be the first time!  
Stan: Guys, calm down. If we don't look guilty, Mr. Mackey will be less suspicious!  
Cartman: Maybe Stan did it! That's why he's trying to get us to calm down!  
Kyle (to Stan): Sounds like something you would do!  
Stan: Yeah, well, blaming Cartman is just what you would do, Kyle!  
Narrator: Kenny slaps himself in the face.  
Kenny (muffled): Ah, Jesus, not again!  
The Mole: Hey! You bitches need to stop being pussies and man up, already!  
PC Principal (walking pass him): Be more PC, bro.  
The Mole (quietly): Bitch.  
The Mole turns back to Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman.  
The Mole: You need to stop being a bunch of whiny little bitches! Seriously, shut the fuck up, already!  
Kyle (quietly to Stan): Maybe he did it.  
Stan (whispering back): Yeah, maybe.  
Narrator: The Mole looks pissed at them. Later, they arrive at Mr. Mackey's office. Stan knocks on the door.  
Mr. Mackey: Come in.  
Narrator: Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and The Mole come in. Mr. Mackey was in there sitting at his desk. Strong Woman and PC Principal were standing on either side of him. Mr. Mackey glares at them.  
Mr. Mackey: I ask you again, boys, m'kay. Did you, or did you not TP and egg my house?  
Cartman: No, we didn't.  
Mr. Mackey: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Christophe, you didn't do it, either?  
Stan: No.  
Kyle: Nuh-uh.  
Kenny (muffled): Me neither.  
The Mole: I didn't do shit!  
Mr. Mackey: I know you boys are lying, m'kay. You wanna know how I know?  
Cartman: How?  
Mr. Mackey: One of my neighbors across the street has security cameras, m'kay. He showed me them yesterday. Even though it was a little hard to tell, I could tell that it was you guys m'kay.  
Narrator: Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and The Mole glanced nervously at each other.  
The Mole (quietly): Shit!  
Mr. Mackey: Still gonna lie, m'kay?  
Cartman: Will you excuse us for a second?  
Strong Woman: You can talk to each other, but you can't leave the room.  
Cartman: Fair enough.  
Narrator: Cartman walks over to the corner of the room. He gestures to the others. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and The Mole walk over to him.  
Kyle (panicking): We're fucked, dude! My mom's gonna kill me if I get detention again or suspended!  
Kenny (muffled): What are we gonna do?  
Cartman: Let's not take the full blame here!  
Stan: Huh?  
Kyle: What are you talking about?  
Cartman: We didn't TP Mr. Mackey's house. Josh Myers did.  
Kenny (muffled): That's true.  
Narrator: Kyle narrows his eyes at them.  
Kyle: Oh no! We're not throwing Josh Myers under the bus!  
Stan: C'mon Kyle!  
Kyle: No, what if he finds out and comes after us?  
Cartman: He's not Trent Boyett, Kyle!  
Kyle: Dude, the guy was in prison! He could be a psychopath!  
Cartman: Would you rather get into trouble with your mom?  
Kyle: No, but-  
Cartman: Then, do it, Kyle!  
Narrator: Kyle sighs.  
Kyle: Goddammit!  
The Mole: I feel bad about throwing that bitch under the bus, but I'm not getting grounded again by my bitch mother!  
Narrator: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and The Mole go back to their seats.  
Cartman: Actually, we have something to tell you guys...  
Narrator: Later, Kenny, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and The Mole were heading back to class.  
Cartman: Goddammit! I can't believe we gotta clean up Mr. Mackey's fuckin' house!  
Kyle: I can't believe he gave us a week of detention and he's gonna call our parents!  
Cartman: At least we got into less trouble.  
Kyle: What are they gonna do to Josh Myers?  
Stan: Probably arrest him.  
Kyle: I feel bad dude that we threw him under the bus like that.  
Cartman: Can we stop saying "throw under the bus?" It just pisses me off!  
The Mole: Why?  
Narrator: On their way to class, they pass by a janitor's closet. After a few seconds, the closet door opens up. Slowly (and dramatically), Josh Myers came out. After a second, he smiles and holds up a roll of toilet paper.  
AN 1: I hope you enjoyed Chapter 8. Tell me what you think and please leave a review!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
Narrator: The next morning, the bell rang. The kids all head to class, including Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and The Mole. They all look very tired.  
Cartman: How long until Mr. Mackey's fuckin' house is cleaned?  
Kyle: I don't know, dude.  
Kenny (muffled): Forever at this rate.  
Stan (placing his hands on his head): Why did we egg his house in the first place?  
Narrator: Kyle glares at The Mole.  
Kyle (to The Mole): You tell me.  
Narrator: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman all glare at The Mole.  
The Mole: What? Don't blame me for this!  
Kyle: It was your idea to egg Mr. Mackey's house!  
Stan: Yeah, and now we gotta clean it!  
The Mole: Maybe we could clean it up faster if you stop throwing up all of the fuckin' time!  
Stan: His house smells like shit!  
The Mole: What the hell did you think it was gonna smell like? A fuckin' flower?  
Stan: Fuck you!  
Narrator: Stan and The Mole looked like they were gonna fight each other. Before they could, the loudspeaker goes off (again) and Mr. Mackey's voice is heard.  
Mr. Mackey: Attention, students, staff, and faculty, would everyone gather in the auditorium? PC Principal and Strong Woman have an announcement to make, m'kay.  
Narrator: The loudspeaker was silent for a second, then Mr. Mackey's voice came out of it again. Obviously, he was mumbling to himself, but he forgot to turn the microphone off.  
Mr. Mackey (mumbling): Everyone has to go? It's so important that they couldn't just say it through the loudspeaker, m'kay.  
Narrator: Everyone in the hallway groans. Later, the entire school gathers in the auditorium. Many of them are talking to themselves.  
Kyle: What do you think they wanna tell us?  
Kenny (muffled): Who cares? As long as Strong Woman's water doesn't break again.  
Cartman (flinching): Aw, Kenny! I'm trying to get that image out of my mind!  
PC Principal (speaking into the microphone): All right, everyone. Listen up! The vice principal and I have something important to tell you.  
Strong Woman (speaking through the microphone): Something that we should have mentioned a long time ago.  
PC Principal (lowering the microphone): You wanna tell them Strong Woman, or should I?  
Strong Woman: Let me tell them.  
PC Principal: All right.  
Strong Woman (into the microphone): Kids, as many of you know, I told you that I got pregnant through in-vitro-fertilization. Well, that was a lie.  
Narrator: As she says this, Strong Woman looks at the ground. The students all look at her, but none of them say anything or even move.  
Strong Woman: I was ashamed to reveal their real father because I was afraid what the girls in this school would think of me. I'll admit, PC Principal was a good "manny" to the PC Babies, but he deserves to be remembered as much more than that. The truth is, he's the father of the PC Babies.  
Narrator: The students still stare at her, very stoically. The staff, including Mr. Mackey, gasped in surprise.  
Strong Woman: I'm sorry about the deceit, but I wanted to be an inspiration to girls everywhere, and I didn't want them to think any little of me if they found out that I got pregnant by my boss. Now that you all know the truth, we have something else to tell you. PC Principal, would you like to take over?  
PC Principal (into the microphone): No, no, it's fine. Go ahead, Strong Woman.  
Narrator: Strong Woman takes a breath, then resumes talking.  
Strong Woman (through the microphone): PC Principal and I are getting married.  
Narrator: The kids still just stare at her. The staff gasps again, still looking astonished. They all start to exchange glances. There was silence for a few more seconds, then the students all start to clap together. PC Principal and Strong Woman look around in surprise, then they both smile. The camera shows Wendy, Bebe, Nichole, and Heidi, who were still clapping with everybody else.  
Wendy: That's what she was doing? She was trying to inspire us?  
Bebe: I thought PC Principal only hired her to be even more PC.  
Heidi: Should we tell her that we never saw her as an inspiration?  
Nichole: Nah. Let's just let her have her moment.  
Narrator: Later, everyone returns to class. On their way there, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman struck up a conversation.  
Kyle: Dude, did you know PC Principal was the father of the PC Babies?  
Stan: No, and I don't really care.  
Narrator: The next morning, Stan woke up for school. After he shut off the alarm, he stood up in bed. He noticed that he was covered in toilet paper.  
Stan: What the hell?  
Narrator: Stan looks at his arms and hands, which were covered in toilet paper. Meanwhile, Kyle woke up around the same time. He shut off his alarm, then yawned. He also noticed that he was covered in toilet paper.  
Kyle: Dude! Where did all this toilet paper come from?  
Narrator: At the same time, Kenny woke up for school. He was dressed only in his underwear, without his parka on. He sat up in bed and noticed that he was covered in toilet paper.  
Kenny: Hey! What the fuck?  
Narrator: There's a knock on the door, and Kenny's mother, Carol, comes in in her pajamas with a glass of hot water in her hand.  
Carol (drowsily): Kenny, are you up? It's time for breakfast. We're having toaster strudels. We only have two lefts so-  
Narrator: She stops talking and notices that Kenny is covered in toilet paper. Her eyes widen, then she closes her eyes and places her free hand on her face.  
Carol: Ugh, not again, Kenny! You really gotta control your urges! We can't afford to keep buying toilet paper!  
Narrator: As she says this, Kenny just stares at her, but he doesn't say anything. Meanwhile, The Mole just woke up for school. He shuts off his alarm, then yawns.  
The Mole (drowsily): Fils de pute!  
Narrator: He sits up, and notices that he was covered in toilet paper.  
The Mole: Shit! Fuckin' toilet paper!  
The Mole's mother (from somewhere in the house): Christophe!  
The Mole (cringing): Sorry, Mother!  
Narrator: At Cartman's house, his mother, Liane, was waking him up for school.  
Liane (knocking on Cartman's door): Poopsykins, it's time for school.  
Narrator: Liane goes back downstairs as Cartman wakes up. Cartman yawns then sits up in bed. He notices that he's covered in toilet paper.  
Cartman: What the hell? Where did this fuckin' toilet paper come fro-  
Narrator: Cartman's stops talking when he notices the toilet paper. He quickly hits it away from him and wipes his hands on his pajamas.  
Cartman: Aw! This toilet paper was used!  
Liane (yelling from downstairs): Eric! Get down here!  
Cartman (heading downstairs): Ah, what now?  
Narrator: Cartman walks downstairs. Standing there was his mother, who was clearly annoyed. Her arms were crossed.  
Liane: Care to explain this?  
Cartman: Explain what?  
Liane: Why our house is covered in toilet paper.  
Cartman: Huh?  
Narrator: Cartman walks outside. He looks up at his house. His house was covered in red toilet paper, from the roof to the very bottom of the house.  
Cartman: Ah, bitch!  
Narrator: Liane comes outside. She walks over to Cartman and crosses her arms.  
Liane: Care to explain this?  
Cartman: I didn't TP our house!  
Liane: Oh, really? I just bought toilet paper yesterday. When I went to get a roll this morning, I noticed that most of them were gone.  
Cartman: I didn't use them.  
Liane: Oh? Where did they go, then? I doubt the Underpants Gnomes got into a new hobby recently.  
A voice: I didn't do it!  
Narrator: Cartman turns around. In Kyle's yard, Kyle was talking to his parents, Gerald and Sheila. Like Cartman's house, Kyle's house was covered in toilet paper, too!  
Sheila (pissed): Kyle! How could you TP your own house?!  
Kyle: I didn't!  
Sheila: Kyle, you're in enough trouble already! Don't you think this wasn't the smartest thing to do?  
Kyle: I didn't do it!  
Gerald: Where'd you even get red toilet paper, anyway?  
Kyle: I swear! I didn't TP our house!  
Narrator: Gerald goes over to the house and grabs some of the toilet paper. He instantly lets go of it and looks at his hand. His hand was now covered in red paint. He looks at the toilet paper and rips it. He notices that the other side of the paper was painted on, too. He walks over to Kyle.  
Gerald (looking annoyed): Kyle! Let me see your hands!  
Narrator: Kyle holds up his hands. His hands were covered with red paint. Gerald crosses his arms.  
Gerald: Still think it's smart to lie?  
Kyle: I didn't do it! Someone else did!  
Sheila: Kyle, first, you got caught egging your guidance counselor's house. Then, you got detention for it! Now you TP'd our house! That does it! I have had it! You're grounded for the rest of the month!  
Narrator: Kyle gasps.  
Kyle: But I didn't do it!  
Sheila: I don't wanna hear it! Get in the house and go to your room!  
Narrator: Kyle looks at the ground and walks slowly to his bedroom. Liane watches him, then turns angrily to Cartman.  
Liane: Eric, let me see your hands!  
Narrator: Cartman holds his hands up. His hands were also covered in red paint.  
Liane: Still wanna lie?  
Cartman: I didn't TP our fuckin' house!  
Liane: What did I tell you about using that type of language? You're grounded for two months, Eric!  
Cartman: Aw, goddammit!  
Narrator: Cartman storms into his house. Later, Kyle is seen in his bedroom talking to Stan on his cellphone.  
Kyle: I don't know what to do, dude. My parents don't believe me! They still think I TP'd our house!  
Stan: My parents, too. My house got TP'd and I got blamed for it! I didn't do it!  
Kyle: I just talked to Kenny. The same thing happened to him!  
Stan: Why would someone TP our house?  
Kyle: I don't know, dude! Maybe we pissed someone off.  
Stan: Who could we have pissed off-  
Narrator: Stan remained silent on the other end of the line. Kyle's eyes widened.  
Kyle: Dude! You don't think...  
Stan: Yeah, dude. It had to have been Josh Myers.  
Kyle: Jesus Christ, dude. We gotta stop pissing off people who've been in jail!  
Stan: Good call!  
AN 1: I hope you all enjoyed Chapter 9. Please tell me what you think and please leave a review. Just so you know, the next chapter is the last one.  
AN 2: Just so you know, in French, "fils de pute" roughly means "son of a bitch."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
Narrator: The next morning, the bell rang. The students all started to head to class. Kyle, Kenny, Stan, and Cartman were walking to class together. Cartman looked beyond pissed off.  
Cartman (slamming his fists in the air): That son of a bitch! I'm gonna kick him square in the nuts!  
Kyle: I can't believe Josh Myers TP'ed all of our houses in one night.  
Stan: He did say he was a professional.  
A voice (kind of sadly): Hey, bitches.  
Narrator: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman all turned around. Standing there was The Mole. However, he looked completely unrecognizable. He was dressed in a black sports jacket with an emblem of a cross on the side, a white dress shirt underneath it and black pants. His shaggy brown hair was cut shorter and neatly combed. He had no cigarette in his mouth and it looked like he was wearing make-up. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny just stare at him with their mouths open, then they all burst out laughing.  
The Mole: Shut the fuck up!  
Kyle (wiping away a tear from laughing so hard): Dude! Why are you dressed like that?  
The Mole: My bitch mother blamed me for TPing our fuckin' house! She claimed I needed more "Christian discipline." So she dressed me like this.  
Narrator: The Mole looks up and points to the sky.  
The Mole: Are you laughing, God? Are you fuckin' happy now?!  
Kenny (muffled): Why are you wearing make-up?  
The Mole: Because my bitch mother wanted me to hide the wrinkles on my face. She also just bought a fuckin' guard dog to make sure I don't leave my room. I fuckin' hate guard dogs! Almost as much as I hate that fuckin' bitch!  
Stan: We know, dude.  
Cartman: So now what?  
The Mole: I'm gonna get that bitch! Who's in?  
Cartman: Can we also get Josh Myers?  
The Mole: Yeah! That bitch made my life even shittier!  
Cartman: Yeah! I'm in.  
Kenny (muffled): Yeah, me too!  
Stan (sighing): What the hell? Let's do it!  
Narrator: Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and The Mole all looked at Kyle. Kyle glares at them.  
Kyle: Oh no! I'm not getting revenge on anyone else! I'm in enough trouble!  
The Mole: That's fine, bitch. C'mon, guys!  
Narrator: The Mole, Kenny, Stan, and Cartman all leave to discuss their vengeance. Kyle starts to head to class. He must have changed his mind because he starts to walk in his friends' direction. He runs to catch up with him.  
Kyle (muttering): Goddammit! Why do I get in these situations?  
Narrator: Unknown to everyone, a miniature drone was flying very quietly above the nearby lockers. The camera shifts scenes so it shows a close-up image of a video watch. The camera shifts again, showing that the person watching them was Josh Myers, who was smiling to himself. He turns his watch off and picks up two large bags. Inside one of the bags was toilet paper. The other contained what looks like paint and glue. He starts to slowly walk. The camera shifts so that Josh Myers's destination can be seen: a large cathedral in Jerusalem. Josh walks over to the cathedral and puts the bags down. He takes out a roll of toilet paper and carefully rips it. He takes out the glue from the other bag and puts glue on top of the toilet paper roll. He unrolls the toilet paper more and applies some paint to it. After that, he throws it. The toilet paper sticks to the cathedral and unrolls completely. Josh does this over and over again. When he gets to the last one, he does the same thing. There are at least a hundred rolls of toilet paper covering the cathedral. Because of the position of the paint, the toilet paper (when lined up) spells out the sentence "RELIGION IS FOR BITCHES." Josh smiles, then turns his watch back on. The Mole's image comes up.  
The Mole: What do you want, bitch?  
Josh: What's the matter, Christophe? Still mad at me?  
The Mole: It's The Mole! What do you think?  
Josh: Calm down. You're not gonna be pissed at me after you see what I just did.  
The Mole: And what is that?  
Narrator: Josh moves his arm so that The Mole could see what he did to the cathedral. The Mole's eyes widen.  
The Mole: You got to be fuckin' kidding me!  
Narrator: Josh moves his arm again.  
Josh: What do you think?  
The Mole: It's great! I hope my bitch mother sees it.  
Josh: I hope the media sees it!  
The Mole: Don't think you're off the hook! We're still gonna get you back for getting us grounded.  
Josh: I look forward to it.  
Narrator: Josh leaves. Just as he does, a cleric, rabbi, and bishop come along (the same ones from the Episode "Ginger Cow)." They're all carrying a drink of some sort. They were all talking to each other, but stop when they notice the cathedral. Their mouths all drop open and the bishop drops his glass, which shatters when it hits the floor.  
Bishop (pissed off): What the fuck?!  
AN 1: Well, I hoped you all liked the chapter (and the story). Sadly, this chapter was the last one. However, I'm gonna write a new story soon. Please tell me what you think and please leave a review.

**Author's Note:**

> I know that one of the tags say that The Mole's last name is DeLorne, but I changed it because I didn't know that when I wrote this story.


End file.
